Bad Luck Duck
by Celey
Summary: Darkwing Duck is having a very unlucky day. Villains keep showing up, he keeps getting injured, and he can't seem to get rid of an annoying, obsessive fan.


Darkwing Duck checked himself in the mirror. He grinned because he thought he was looking pretty good. If his skills and renown as a crime-fighter didn't impress his fans, then his appearance certainly would. It was something of a shame Gosalyn wouldn't be able to attend his fan club meeting because she was at soccer practice, but he was sure there'd be other fan club meetings for her to attend. He stepped out of his room and headed downstairs to the living room. Launchpad was waiting for him with a half-eaten sandwich in his hand. He finished the rest of it off.

"So, DW, you think more fans will show up this year than last year?" he asked.

"Launchpad, Launchpad, Launchpad… Of course, more fans will show up this year. Everyone has probably heard of Darkwing Duck by now. I bet the whole building will be packed full of fans," Darkwing said, sitting on one of the blue living chairs.

Launchpad sat on the other blue chair. Darkwing pressed the button on the mouse detective statue and they went spinning to the tower at Audubon Bay Bridge. They walked straight to the Ratcatcher and took off onto the streets of St. Canard. Some time later, they arrived at their destination.

"Gee, the parking lot sure doesn't look packed," Launchpad said, getting out of the sidecar of the Ratcatcher.

Darkwing waved him off dismissively. "I'm sure they just decided to park elsewhere."

"But that's the closest parking lot," Launchpad said.

Darkwing glared at him, mumbled a few choice words under his breath, then marched into the building. He snuck his way to the stage, then set down his trademark blue smoke.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the meme that everyone always mentions! I am… Darkwing Duck!"

He heard a few claps when he had expected to hear a roaring applause. When the smoke cleared, he saw that his audience consisted of only five people and Launchpad. His shoulders drooped, and he slapped a hand over his beak.

_Again? What is wrong with everyone? Don't they want to see the mighty masked mallard in person? Oh well. Might as well make the best of this, _he thought.

"So, who wants autographs?" Darkwing asked, whipping out photographs of himself. "I have plenty of these photos."

"Ooo! Me! Me!" A young pig woman with long, dark curls tripped over herself on the way to the stage to meet him. "I am your biggest fan! I have an entire newspaper collection about your exploits! Well, I mean, I DID have an entire collection, but then I lost it. But still… I did have one! Please give me your autograph!"

Darkwing was pleased by her enthusiasm. "Okay, okay. Who should I make this out to?"

"Pebble Sadswine."

Darkwing wrote out her name, signed his name, and handed the autographed photo to her. Just then, a light fixture from the ceiling fell down and crashed upon Pebble's head. Darkwing gaped. Pebble looked dazed.

"Are you… ah… okay?" he asked, removing the light fixture from her head.

"Oh, me? Uh-huh. I'm fine." She rubbed her head, then beamed at him as if nothing had happened. "Thanks for giving me your autograph."

"You're welcome?" Darkwing was still trying to get over the fact that the light fixture had fallen on Pebble's head.

"You know, your beak is a lot bigger in person," Pebble said, still smiling.

Darkwing snapped out of his shock and gave her a look. "Excuse me?"

"Your beak. It's a lot bigger in person," she said again.

"I heard what you said! My beak is NOT big!"

Launchpad got up on stage next to him. "I don't know, DW. I think she's right. It does look a little big."

Darkwing slapped a hand over his bill. "Ooooh! I don't have time for this!" He pushed Pebble off of the stage. "Who's next?"

He signed a few more autographs. Then, he allowed his fans to engage him in a Q&A session. He only ended up answering half the questions because too many of them could possibly be used to reveal his secret identity. Some of the questions asked were about Quiverwing Quack, which irritated him to no end. It was HIS fan club, not hers. Finally, after showing off a few of his Quack-Fu moves, the fan club meeting came to an end.

He, along with Launchpad, left the building and got onto the Ratcatcher. Darkwing wore a sour expression on his face.

"Aw, cheer up, DW. I'm sure more fans will show up next year," Launchpad said.

"That's what you said last year. Do you think maybe I didn't put up enough flyers?" Darkwing asked.

Launchpad eyed a fence they passed by that was covered in said flyers. "Um, no. I think you put up enough. Maybe it was just a bad day for everyone."

"Maybe," Darkwing said, sounding unsure. They continued driving for a while until they came to a stop at a stoplight. Darkwing waited for the stoplight to turn green. He waited. And he waited. He waited some more.

"What is with this stupid light? Is it broken?" Darkwing said, growing impatient.

"Hey, DW! Look at that!" Launchpad said, pointing in front of them. Darkwing looked down in front of him and saw several tiny toy soldiers marching across the street. He blinked.

"What the…?"

Then, after the toy soldiers came walking dollies that squealed "Mama!" Darkwing stared for a moment, then he looked over to the side of the street where the toys were coming from. It was an entire parade of toys complete with balloons shaped like dolls and stuffed animals and extravagant floats that looked like giant dollhouses, castles or pirate ships. And there, sitting on the biggest, most flamboyant float of all… was Quackerjack.

Darkwing narrowed his eyes. What was Quackerjack up to this time?

"Ooo! I love parades!" It sounded like something that would come out of Launchpad's beak, but the voice was distinctly feminine. Darkwing and Launchpad both turned to look behind them, seeing a fan from earlier. Pebble Sadswine. How she had caught up with him, on foot no less, was a mystery. Even curiouser still, she was dripping wet and smelled like she had come out of the sewer.

"This isn't any ordinary parade!" Darkwing told her, "This is the work of Quackerjack, one of the most dangerous criminals ever! You need to get somewhere safe while I handle this!"

"Aww, but I want to see the great Darkwing Duck in action! Pretty please let me stay?" Pebble batted her eyelashes.

Darkwing slapped a hand over his bill. "Launchpad. Take care of this. I'm going to find out what Quackerjack is up to with this parade of preposterous proportions!"

With that, he jumped off the Ratcatcher and headed for the large float Quackerjack was sitting atop of. Darkwing threw down his trademark blue smoke.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the song that never ends! I am… Darkwing Duck!"

Quackerjack blinked a few times when he saw Darkwing standing in front of him. He crossed his arms. "Darkwing Duck! Ugh! You're always trying to ruin my fun! Well, you can't ruin it this time!"

Darkwing got out his gas gun and pointed it at Quackerjack's face. "Oh? And what makes you say that, banana beak?"

"I'm not committing a crime! I'm holding a completely innocent toy parade!" Quackerjack grinned wide.

Darkwing snorted, "Completely innocent, my webbed foot!" He lowered the gas gun, though. Quackerjack was right. He wasn't doing anything wrong.

_Not yet anyway. He's up to something. I can feel it in my feathers,_ Darkwing thought.

"So, you can take your groupie, and leave me alone, Dorkwing," Quackerjack said.

"Groupie?" Darkwing looked behind him and saw Pebble standing on the float. She waved.

"Gah! What are you doing here?"

"Watching the great Darkwing Duck in action?" Pebble said, smiling.

"This is no place for youuuuu… Whoa!" Darkwing's foot got tied up in the ropes holding the giant parade balloons on Quackerjack's float. He started floating upwards. He attempted to grab onto something. The first thing he grabbed onto was Pebble. He quickly let go of her, not wanting to get an innocent civilian caught up in the mess he was in. Somehow or another, though, Pebble's foot ended up caught in the rest of the ropes holding the float's balloons. She floated upwards along with him.

Quackerjack laughed with wild abandon. He waved at Darkwing. "Bye, bye!"

Darkwing tried to figure out how to get down as both him and Pebble floated higher and higher. "Don't make any sudden moves. Hopefully, these balloons will run out of helium soon, and we'll float slowly and safely back to the ground!" Darkwing shouted down at her.

Pebble looked up, "Okay! I'm sure we'll get down soon!"

Suddenly, one of the balloons popped. Then, another. And another. Darkwing gulped. "That's not… goooooooooooooooood…." The rest of the balloons popped, sending Darkwing and Pebble hurtling to the ground. Both of them screamed on their way down until finally they hit the ground. Darkwing landed on Pebble, breaking his fall. He was quick to get off of her.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

Pebble got up and dusted herself off. She wiped a bit of pavement off her snout. "Don't worry! I'm okay!"

Darkwing couldn't believe how easily she had recovered from falling from such a high height. Not to mention having a full-grown duck land on her afterwards. Launchpad arrived at their location a moment afterwards, driving the Ratcatcher. He crashed it into a light post.

"Oops…" He flashed Darkwing a nervous smile.

Darkwing fumed. "Launchpad!"

"Sorry, DW. But I figured you wouldn't want me to leave the Ratcatcher unattended while I went to look for you." Launchpad looked at the crashed motorcycle and grinned. "Anyway, I can fix this, no problemo."

"Well, then, fix it!" Darkwing said, "I'm going to find out where that parade went." He shot a glare over in Pebble's direction. "As for you, go home. Go somewhere. Just quit following me around!"

He got out his gas gun and shot a grappling hook out of it. The hook caught on the edge of the roof of a building. He had himself pulled up. Once on the roof, he looked down at the city's streets. Quackerjack's parade was easy to spot. It looked like it was heading for City Hall. He hopped from building to building, trying to catch up to the toy parade. Finally, he caught up to it, but only because it had stopped in front of City Hall. He watched as Quackerjack's float started to transform. It looked like… a tank.

_WHERE DID HE GET A TANK? _Darkwing thought, panic swelling inside him. He tried to calm himself. Now was not the time for panic. Now was the time to get dangerous. He aimed his grappling hook for the float tank and shot it. The hook caught on the float. He started sliding his way down. At the halfway point, his rope suddenly snapped, sending him falling to the ground for the second time that day.

Once again, his fall was broken… by Pebble Sadswine. Darkwing got off of her. He was not happy. Not one little bit.

"Get out of here!" He made a shooing motion.

"Oh, you don't really want me to leave. All superheroes need a fan to tag along and witness their heroics!" Pebble said, smiling a cute, little smile.

Darkwing slapped a hand over his bill. Meanwhile, Quackerjack had got out a megaphone.

"Attention City Hall! Surrender the city to me or prepare to be creamed!"

Darkwing decided to ignore Pebble for the time being. There were more pressing matters to attend to. He hopped up onto the float and prepared to tackle Quackerjack. The villainous toymaker caught sight of him just in time.

"Ah-ah-ah! Don't you move a muscle or the building gets it!" Quackerjack said, a sinister grin on his face.

Darkwing stopped where he was and cursed under his breath.

Quackerjack's grin widened. "Now, my lovely toys… attack that duck!"

Suddenly, the toys in the parade descended on Darkwing. He kicked at them and shot gas at them. He noticed that somehow Pebble had gotten herself mixed up in the toy attack, too. He tried to keep the toys away from her, but there was too many of them. Pebble didn't seem too shook up by this turn of events; although, she did look a little frightened.

"All right, Quackerjack…" He tried to shake off some chattering teeth that had attached themselves to his leg. "What is it that you want with the city?"

"It's simple, really. I figured that if I took over the city, everyone would have to do as I say. So that means I could force people to get rid of their video games and buy my toys!" Quackerjack giggled, "It's the perfect plan!"

"You're crazy if you think I'm going to let you get away with this!" Darkwing shouted, shooting some more toys off of him.

Quackerjack gave him a funny look. "Really, now?"

Darkwing paused for a moment, thinking over what he just said. "Oh. Right. Forgot who I was talking to."

Pebble, in her attempt to get away from the toys, ran into Darkwing. The masked mallard found himself pushed up against Quackerjack, who accidentally fired up the tank's controls.

"NO!" Darkwing shouted, his eyes wide with horror.

The tank shot out a giant cream pie which hit City Hall. Darkwing stared at City Hall for a moment, shock and confusion present on his facial features. Quackerjack was laughing like a maniac.

"You… haha… you should've seen the look on your face! Heheheha!"

Darkwing slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, glaring at him all the while. It wasn't long before the police arrived and took Quackerjack away.

Pebble cheered. "Yay! I knew you would save the day, Darkwing! You're the best!"

Darkwing's ego got the best of him for a moment. "Yep yep yeeeep. I am pretty good, aren't I?" He paused. "Hey, wait a minute." He glared at Pebble. "You were supposed to leave. You could've been seriously hurt!"

"But I wasn't! I knew I'd be okay with you around!" she said, looking awe-struck at him.

"Even so, what you did was stupid and risky. Don't follow me around anymore!" Darkwing told her.

He got out his grappling hook and shot it at the nearest building. He pulled himself up and started hopping from building to building. He got back down to Launchpad, who had finished fixing the Ratcatcher.

"Well, LP, let's do another round patrolling the city, then we'll go watch Gosalyn's soccer practice," Darkwing said, strapping on his helmet and mounting the Ratcatcher.

"Sounds like a good plan to me, DW!" Launchpad got into the sidecar. They drove around the city, checking for crime. Everything seemed quiet until the Ratcatcher drove into knee-high water.

Darkwing sighed. "It just isn't my day today."

"Liquidator?" Launchpad asked.

Darkwing nodded. "It has to be. It hasn't rained in a week."

A block away, Liquidator was holding a sale on life rafts. "Act now before the warranty on your life expires!"

Pebble was waist-deep in the water. She fished around in her pockets. She pulled out fifty cents.

"Um… Will this be enough?" she asked, a hopeful look in her light blue eyes.

Liquidator raised a watery brow, "You're kidding, right?"

Darkwing snuck up behind Liquidator and threw down his trademark blue smoke.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am that warm spot in the public pool! I am… Darkwing Duck!" He took out a sponge and dove after Liquidator. The watery canine slid away from him in time.

"Do heroic pests infest your city? Do they interfere with your criminal activities and make life difficult for you? Then, call the Liquidator!" Liquidator formed his watery hand into a scythe and started attacking Darkwing. "Guaranteed to get rid of those unsightly purple-clad mallards!"

"Didn't you already try this scheme once before, drippy?" Darkwing said, dodging blow after blow and attempting to soak Liquidator up in the sponge.

"It's as the saying goes, 'Don't fix it if it ain't broke!'" Liquidator said.

"Go Darkwing Duck! You can take him!" Pebble cheered, wading closer to the platform to get a better look.

It was unfortunate that at that time, a piano was being hoisted up the building by two very incompetent piano movers. The piano fell flattening Darkwing and Liquidator and knocking Pebble on the head, causing her to sink into the water.

"Oh, the pain…" Darkwing slid out from underneath the piano and used that opportunity to soak up the puddle that was Liquidator. Pebble came up for air, rubbing her head. Not seeing Liquidator anywhere, she cheered.

"Yay! You scared off the bad guy!"

"You again? Can't I go anywhere without running into you?" Darkwing grumbled and placed the sponge in a jar, just to be safe. He handed the jar to a local police officer that happened to be in the area, and he took it off to the station with him. Darkwing popped his back and winced. Having a piano fall on him _hurt._ He jumped off the platform and waded through the water. He looked back to make sure Pebble wasn't following him. She just stood there, smiling and waving. Darkwing grumbled some more until he got back to the Ratcatcher.

"Did you take care of Liquidator?" Launchpad asked.

"Yep," Darkwing said, looking irritable.

"Gee, DW, you don't look so good," Launchpad said.

"I just had a piano fall on me! Of course, I don't look good!" Darkwing yelled, waving his arms in the air.

"A piano? Wow. You must be really unlucky today," Launchpad said, watching DW get onto the Ratcatcher.

"Maybe I am having a bad day," Darkwing said, still kind of grumbling.

"Well, don't worry! I'm sure things will start looking up soon!" Launchpad told him.

Darkwing grumbled something unintelligible in reply. The sun was beginning to set as they continued their patrol of St. Canard's streets. They passed by a RadioQuack that looked like someone had broke into it. Darkwing threw his hands up into the air.

"Oh, come ON! What is this? Crime Day?" He started to throw down his trademark blue smoke in front of the entrance, but a bolt of electricity struck him, knocking him back into the street. Darkwing coughed up some smoke. "Nevermind. It must be Supervillain Day."

"Supervillain Day?" Megavolt asked, stepping out of the RadioQuack with a huge bag in hand and a puzzled expression on his face. "Oh no! How could I forget Supervillain Day? I haven't even gotten the other supervillains presents! What am I going to do?" He looked distraught for a few seconds, then he paused. "Wait, there's no such thing as Supervillain Day."

"You're right. There isn't. Suck gas, Sparky!" Darkwing aimed his gas gun at Megavolt and fired. Unfortunately, the gas backfired onto him, causing him to burst into tears. And… he wasn't the only one.

"Don't worry!" Pebble sobbed. "I'm okay!"

Darkwing cried. "The effect should… sob, sniffle, sob…wear off in a few minutes."

"That's good!" Pebble sniffled. Tears ran down her pink cheeks.

Megavolt took his chance to escape. He was stopped when Launchpad dove after him and grabbed onto his ankles.

"Hey, let go of me, you big oaf!" Megavolt tried to kick him off, but Launchpad's grip was too strong.

"Don't worry, DW! I got him!" Launchpad said, holding on tight.

Darkwing continued to cry. "Good work, LP."

Suddenly remembering he had super powers, Megavolt aimed his finger at Launchpad and shocked him. Launchpad was electrocuted for a few seconds, and though he was singed, he continued to hang on tight. Megavolt got ready to fire another bolt but Darkwing managed to get a hold of himself and kicked him in the stomach. Megavolt doubled over in pain.

"Let go of Megavolt, LP, and stand back!" Darkwing got out a bottle of water. Launchpad was quick to let go of Megavolt, and he ran off a distance. Megavolt attempted to make a run for it, but the water got squirted on him, anyway. He shorted out.

"Noooooooo…" Megavolt twitched and spasmed on the ground. Darkwing cuffed him with a pair of rubber handcuffs. The police arrived moments later and carted Megavolt off to prison.

Pebble cheered. "Way to go, Darkwing!"

Darkwing turned on her, a suspicious and angry look in his eyes. "All right, I don't know what's going on, but every time you're around something bad always happens! What are you up to?"

Pebble blinked at him. "Um… Watching one of my favorite heroes kick butt?"

"Don't give me that! Clearly, you are masterminding some sort of plot to sabotage me in my crime-fighting duties!" Darkwing pointed a finger at her accusingly.

Pebble stared at him, a puzzled expression on her face. Darkwing took one look at her, then shook his head.

"Nah. That would be giving you WAY too much credit."

Pebble blinked again, the insult clearly going over her head.

"Still, there's something going on here, and I don't like it. Stay away from me. I mean it." Darkwing strapped his helmet on and mounted the Ratcatcher once more. Launchpad got into the sidecar. Darkwing revved the motorcycle once, then took off into the streets. They were just about finished patrolling when both Launchpad and Darkwing spotted Negaduck going into an anvil factory.

_Greeeeeat. My most favorite place in the whole world, _Darkwing thought. He parked the Ratcatcher outside the factory. He snuck inside and threw down his trademark blue smoke.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the… YIPES!" Darkwing dodged a harpoon that Negaduck shot at him.

"Put a sock in it, Dipwing!" Negaduck glared at him.

"You ruined my big entrance!" Darkwing said, matching his double's glare.

"Oh, I plan to ruin much more than that." Negaduck leaned forward on some railing. "Have you checked tomorrow's forecast, for instance?"

"What does the weather have to do with anything?" Darkwing got out his gas gun and aimed it at Negaduck. The masked menace looked unconcerned.

"Oh, just that it's going to be cloudy… with a chance of anvils!" Negaduck threw a switch. An anvil nearly dropped on Darkwing's head. He dodged just in time.

"Wow! That was a close one! You're the greatest!" Pebble said, walking into the factory.

"No, no, no, no, NO! What are you doing here? It's much too dangerous!" Darkwing said, dodging another anvil.

"I wanted to tour the anvil factory before I went back home to Duckburg. There isn't an anvil factory in Duckburg, you know," Pebble said.

"Oh, goodie," Negaduck said, a sinister grin on his face. "A hostage…"

Darkwing turned his attention back to Negaduck. He fired his gas gun at him. Negaduck laughed when it missed him.

"Your aim sucks!"

Darkwing grinned. Negaduck dodged an anvil that almost fell on him. He growled and hopped down from where he was standing. He grabbed Pebble and put a knife to her throat.

"All right. I'm only going to say this once. Get out of this factory or I cut pork chop here into ribbons," Negaduck said.

Pebble gulped. "You're not going to let him hurt me, are you, Darkwing?"

Darkwing started to slowly back out of the factory, all the while trying to figure out how to help Pebble. "Of course not."

Pebble smiled. Then, two anvils came crashing down, flattening Negaduck and Pebble. The young pig woman straightened herself out, first. She looked dizzy.

"Owwww…"

Darkwing sprung into action. He gassed Negaduck with sleeping gas, causing the still flattened doppelganger to fall asleep. Then, he handcuffed him. He sighed, relieved that the innocent but still annoying Pebble hadn't been hurt… or well, hadn't been hurt badly.

"You are either very lucky or very unlucky," Darkwing told her.

Pebble beamed. "You think I'm lucky?"

Another anvil fell down on her. She groaned in pain.

"Ah, maybe lucky is too strong of word," Darkwing said, "You should probably get out of this factory."

He helped straighten her out and then pushed her outside. Pebble turned and smiled a big, wide smile at him.

"Boy, I sure did have a lot of fun following you on your adventures! Thanks for letting me tag along," Pebble said.

Darkwing started to say something, but Pebble continued talking. "Anyway, I better get back home! Bye!"

Darkwing waved, then watched as Pebble fell into a manhole.

"Don't worry! I'm okay!"

…

Drake Mallard and Launchpad arrived at the soccer field just in time to pick up Gosalyn.

"Yep, Launchpad. I think things are finally starting to look up. Now that what's-her-name isn't following me around anymore, I think this streak of bad luck I've been having will come to an end," Drake told him.

"I sure hope so, D-double… I mean, Drake," Launchpad said.

A soccer ball slammed into Drake's face, causing him to fall backward into a mud puddle. His favorite sweater vest was ruined. Drake glared at Launchpad.

"Not a word…"


End file.
